Saying "I do" and meaning it

I was browsing another blog where a brother in Christ asked us fellow believers who frequent, to share their thoughts on commitment -horizontally-. He mentioned friendships, church membership, and marriage.

Since I've been so fortunate to experience what commitment looks like in the area of marriage... I responded regarding it. As I wrote my response I decided to incorporate it into a blog too. It didn't hurt that my beautiful wife so lovingly reminded me that Valentine's Day is this weekend (the flowers are from her). ISN'T SHE SWEEEEEET?!

Staying Committed in Marriage

As we all should very well know, it's vitally important for us to be committed in Marriage. As we enter into this relationship, as believers, we put on display- for the world to see - a picture of Christ and His church; Unconditional love, grace in spite of all the wrongs, loving one another despite imperfections, overcoming problems mercifully etc.

Statistically I would have to admit that we've done a poor job at understanding this.

I think it's because we've treated the marriage as more of a contract than a covenant. Contractual arrangements are a calculated effort to get what you want on the best terms you can get it. Covenants are sacrificial commitments.

Contract

A contract is an agreement between two parties that must equally fulfill a prior agreed upon service or product for a certain price. The moment the contract becomes unequal for either party there is discord as the one party not receiving as much is offended and believes they are being shortchanged. The offended party may then seek to terminate the contract.

Covenant

A covenant, in its most general sense, is a solemn promise to engage in a specified action, regardless of the action(s) of other involved parties. As Christians the idea of a "New Covenant" is principally important to us in that it's a bond, in blood, sovereignly administered by God. In essence, though we're saved by grace through faith(Ephesians 2), our salvation exists because God promised it and paid for it.

In Contrast

Contracts are limited and renewable; a covenant(marriage) is a permanent, life-long commitment. It is about self-sacrifice, not self-satisfaction. As Christians we should see marriage as a covenant, with God as a party to it. Couples are to put aside their own selfish desires and focus on the needs of their loved one.

Unfortunately, in addition to viewing marriage as a contract, the values of the marketplace are also being applied to it. These values teach a totally different message: that is, that we are entitled to a good "return on our investment." They turn would-be brides and grooms into marital consumers, looking for the best deal they can get. Tragically, people who think this way often end up in a kind of unholy wedlock—one in which men abandon wives the moment their looks begin to fade, and women drop husbands if they run out of money.

Having a proper understanding of this one bit of truth, before the wedding and during the marriage, would probably save 90% of the divorces we see within the church. People would either count the cost and re-consider the reason(s) why they're getting married, or come into the covenant saying "I Do" with the proper perspective- allowing their 'yes to be yes and no be no'.

Without a doubt a persons ability to grasp the gospel's effect on their life is fundamental to comprehending this. Here's why: When you truly understand what God has done for you in Christ -after what you've done to Him- nothing your spouse can do is above forgiveness and thus you can stay committed even in the hardest of times. I mean think about it for a sec. Apart from the grace of God, the book of Romans, namely chapter 1, could very well be known as the autobiography of __________ (your name). Everyone of us is mentioned in these verses:
"28And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them." Yet God, infinite in mercy, through the redemptive work of the cross, elects to make a way for us to be not only forgiven but justified. [Praise God]

When we see ourselves as we really are(above) vs. how God sees us through divine imputation (Christ's righteousness being set to our account, so that we are now entitled to all the rewards of that perfect righteousness- Rom. 5: 18, II Cor. 5:21), it especially helps us to see our spouse's imperfections as more reason(s) to love. Suddenly we realize what it really means "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."

Is this the way you've viewed marriage? How could adapting to this truth change your outlook re: matrimony, be it yours or others'? I recently shared this truth with a couple in a small group bible study on marriage who were not yet married. Once the gentleman in the relationship understood this concept, he immediately decided to get married. Their wedding is this Saturday, Valentine's Day. I couldn't be happier for them.

I can only but hope that all of us would experience change like the couple mentioned above in this and other areas of our lives. As John Piper says in the beginning of the video below, "it doesn't always occur in a moment" like it did with them; but be it now, in the near future or years down the line, I pray we would all become new people by the constant renewing of our minds and conformity to God's will's and way's.

Happy Valentines Day!!